Collective noun for a group of electrophysiologists?

My husband and I have had an ongoing discussion for quite a while now about what the collective noun for a group of electrophysiologists should be. This discussion came up again a few nights ago, where he firmly believes that the collective noun should be a ‘superstition‘. I, on the other hand, think it should be a ‘paranoid‘, or maybe an ‘expletive‘.

I started my first career-related job recently. I’m now working as a manual (conventional) patch clamp electrophysiologist for a contract research organisation. It’s definitely a completely different world to academia and I’m having to pick up a lot of new concepts very quickly, but happily, I’m enjoying myself very much (despite having to write my thesis in the evenings and weekends).

Although it’s a whole new world for me, there’s definitely something oddly familiar about the environment and the people I work with.

I find myself smiling whenever I think back to my uni days, when I would sit at my patch clamp rig and fantasise about electrophysiology equipment that wasn’t held together with dog-eared autoclave tape or covered in aluminium foil that was torn in several places. I also used to dream about what it would be like to have a comfortable chair, a responsive computer and enough workspace to accommodate a keyboard, a mouse, an open lab book and a monitor (or 2 – if I was doing MEA experiments). On my first day at work it came as a little bit of a surprise to find that some things really don’t change.

I operate two patch clamp rigs now (not at the same time!) and although they are pretty much identical, they each have their own foibles. Whether it’s the optics of the microscope, or the amount of patience (and swearing) it requires to get the perfusion flow rate just right, or the extra stability a few centimetres of tape gives to the manipulation of the patch electrode, or the aluminium foil that was once wrapped around a cable but is now half hanging off and catches on the stage of the microscope. There are even uncomfortable chairs and very limited workspace! But thankfully I still get to work beside a window (yay daylight!) and at least the computers (and IT support) are much better now.

I sometimes used to think that maybe I’m a little bit too particular when it comes to conducting electrophysiological experiments. I have a certain way of doing things, often in a certain order, and I like my work environment to be organised and tidy. I also like to have particular (and in my opinion, essential) bits of equipment to hand in case I need it (ie., plastic syringes, forceps, super glue, copper wire, silver wire, tubing, foil, soldering iron, hot air gun, pipette glass, heat-shrink, blu tac, tape, lab roll, pipette tips etc etc). Having now found myself surrounded by highly skilled and very experienced electrophysiologists, I’ve discovered that maybe I’m not so weird after all. I may have a certain way of doing things, but I’m definitely not the only one. It also turns out that I’m not the only one who gets paranoid about flushing the perfusion tubing sufficiently, or the particular sequence of events that need to be followed in order to successfully patch a cell, or having too many people in the room when you’re trying to do an experiment.

There’s even a hint of slightly irrational superstition. One of my colleagues has said that their two best days, in terms of the success rate of patching a certain cell line, was when they were listening to music by a certain band. As we’re currently having our patience tested by this really troublesome cell line, it is now a firmly held belief that our chances of getting data will be massively improved by listening to this particular band. The only caveat being that my colleague was the only person in the lab at the time, so it may not work if the rest of us are there to watch/try it out. We all solemnly agreed that the conditions should be kept the same as last time, otherwise it will never work.

So this has provided my husband with more proof that a group of electrophysiologists should be called a ‘superstition‘, which is a good call, but I personally think the collective noun should still be a ‘paranoid‘ or an ‘expletive‘. Funnily enough though, I get really anxious when my husband puts new shoes on the table. I know it’s completely irrational, but I just can’t help myself. Maybe electrophysiology appeals to a certain kind of person.

attempted murder of crows

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